I always do things to disappoint myself and others.
Why? I don't know, I can't control.
I don't like to force myself to do things that i don't want to do yet,
There is always people telling me, Follow your heart.
But everytime i follow my heart it leads me to disappointment.
What should i really do instead?
I always think before i do things,
Might be a good thing to u.
But for me its really a bad thing, It makes my head really hurt all the time.

I went to Fico to play soccer today.
So fun and tiring. Especially at the start,
I switched from goalkeeper to a midfield player, and i ran about,
And i got a bit of headache suddenly, so i sub and went out to rest.
I was thinking, omg was it because my stamina sucks or was it because i haven't eat much?
Den after that current match was over,
i went back inside to play again.
This time i tell myself not to run much,
Because my heart will pump really really fast, and i will get headache,
No idea why also..
Muhaha, i scored a goal today, was sort of a "backstab" and goal!
Ok was sort of tyco. LOL!

Okay, i shall work hard from now on..
To get my O level cert..
First of all, i'm gonna study my POA first.
In case u all didn't know, i had been thinking about POA all the time.
Probably it has became my favourite subject, After A and E maths ruined me..

Mei gave me a fright just now, she send me a msg say something like,
I shouldn't keep this from u anymore, I thought what happened to her,
In the end, its just some sort of chain letters.
I gonna tell her this tomorrow..
The Golden Path got Rou Ku Mei, My mei = Sotong Mei.. =X
She is gonna kill me when she see this post tomorrow.

This is what i typed using my phone while sitting on a lorry last night.
The wind was very big, relaxing.
Enjoying listening to my mp3 when the wind was blowing,
Too bad, my mp3 ran out of battery.
Ok now, here's what i wrote :
Many of u might think i am crapping, When i say i have lost the fire in me.
But basically, it is just like a motivation that motivates me to do everything i wanted to.
Or rather, most things. Like going back to school, getting good results for exams.
The fire motivates me to get my best of them.
But suddenly, the fire was gone bit by bit, and i knew that.
In term 4 of Secondary Two, i missed two weeks of school.
After that, i still try my best to catch up on what i miss during the two weeks of school.
Eventually, It's all gone when it comes to 2008.
Even till now, i still have no motivation or the so called fire.

I am just, really disappointed with myself.
As usual.. I will say, im just a useless guy.

Distance myself from her?
I didn't even remember this one bit the next morning,
Probably i think i think too much again.
I don't have to distance myself from her,
I know what to do.

My blog.. Halfway done,
Left the background and a nice picture.
Thanks quin for the help, appreciate it.

hmm..
i decided, i should actually distance myself from her.
Because we are totally from 2 different worlds.
Plus, she has someone there for her, i shouldn't try to be the so called third party.
I am trying to slowly, and slowly, get myself away from her.

Anyway, im trying to change my blog skins to abit of goldenish.
Got some help from quin, anyone wanna help me too ? haha.

once again,
this home makes me feel really meaningless to stay at.
I feel like leaving, to somewhere far away,
but i don't have the ability to.
Unless i really dont care about everything,
EVERYTHING.

This few months, i always say,
i dont have much longer to live.
Now i know why,
its not because of those problems,
its because i am too disappointed with everything,
Had to sacrifice myself in order for everyone to see what is happening.

I really don't know why,
When i thought my mood is better,
It isn't.
It just hit the rock bottom again.
Suddenly i really entertain some thoughts i shouldn't.

I really wish my wishes could come true, it probably wont come true until i die.

So early i decided to came to blog.
Damn, im having bad gastric pain just now,
so pain i could hardly bath when i was intending to.
I was eating some biscuits after that,
and wanted to drink a cup of hot milo,
but decided not to, always stomachache after drinking it in the morning.
So i just drank a cup of green tea ( cold ) down =x

Wow, yesterday go bball in the afternoon with my mei and his bf.
His bf look like a decent guy, and skinny like me.
Haha, sort of shock when i saw my mei, changed so much.
So when we were walking to the basketball court,
There is like, nothing to talk about,
Walking slowly, silently, finally we reach b-ball court.
Yesterday i was thinking, my mei purposely ask me come tio tok one is it..
Haha, his bf so pro in shooting, no wonder ask me play la.
Should join school team ma, haha.

Ok anyway, quite glad i had such a, self-claim-adorable ( by her ) mei.
LOL =x
Going to work now, hopefully my gastrics pain stop, or i am gonna faint.
Lastly, hope she and her bf last forever. :)

Don't know wats happening to me today,
I should just focus on what i have to do real soon.
My target in life, and something important i have to settle.
Should put other silly things aside..
Mus be determine to succeed!

I am still seeing darkness,
everytime when i thought i saw brightness,
it disappears after a while..

Just who can understand my feelings right now?
Hurting and hurting.
I'm really wondering, who will be there for me when i need someone to support me ?

Its really tiring for me to talk to her like a fool,
when she don't really care how i feel.