I reached my highest point of my life, the very top of the game,
but everything came to an end in just one short year.
I often question myself, have i ever cherish that year?

Well i hope i can put down the past and get back on my feet asap.
I went out quite early for the past few days to Khatib to find some of my friends.
Did things that i didn't do for a long time, and yeah im enjoying it.
But well, good things doesn't last long. I fell sick ;(
Having a bad sorethroat and cough. [Ate too much chocolate and oreo cookie.]
And after playing about 2 or rather 3 hours of basketball last friday,
I hurt my knee too.

I tell myself, i will never give up again until the very end.
I will get to the highest point, the top of the game AGAIN.
I will find the FIRE that i have lost,
and its not going to be a small fire, its gonna be a BIG one.
A long-lasting one, until my last breathe.
And im sure i definitely can do it as long as i work hard.

Right now i really wish there is someone who can teach me how to get up on my feet again.
It seems that i have lost all my confidence after i lost that 'game'.
Sometime i will think, how did a guy who doesn't care about anything,
turn into a guy who care about everything.
It may seems to be good, But in fact it isn't.
I don't think there is someone in this world who will understand me, including myself.
How can i regain my confidence?

I guess i have to figure all this out by myself.
-One Man Dynasty-

There's alot of things i wan to say, must say,
But sometimes i just don't know how to put it..
Sigh..

原地踏步

A person without confidence will never succeed in doing things that he wanted to do.
A person without the fire in him will never do things that he wanted for a long time.
A person has many things that he wanted to do, wanted to tell,
But without the confidence and the fire in him,
He did absolutely nothing.

Every morning when i lie down on my bed, i will always think of the olden days,
The changes in me, the changes around me.
The things that i have done, accomplished,
And things that i never done, fail to do.
Things that i wanted to do but i didn't do,
Things i never wanted to do but i have done.

I remember when i was young, i used to spend alot of time outside with my friends.
Soccer, cycling - My usual sports when i was about Primary 5 or 6.
Perhaps there isn't much to do at home and that was why i went out almost everyday.
I really enjoyed those days alot and definitely wish it weren't over yet.

After so many things that happened these few years, I felt i have changed alot.
Just like i will never consider the consequences of something that i did when i was young,
but now its different. But sometimes i just felt i consider too much about it.
Last time, I can lie without blinking an eye, without having any guilt in my heart.
But if you want me to do the same thing now, i can't.
I just can't get through myself, and i will probably run away from the problem.

Thinking back, i guess my relationship with my brothers aren't that close in the past.
I guess i was too stubborn in the past. I do things without thinking about their feelings.
Or perhaps i should say i wasn't being considerate.
Well, things have changed in this two or three years.
We were much closer compared to the past, at least that is what i feel.
I tried my best to put them first before me when we are together.
And i know they are doing the same thing as well..

When i was primary 6, the day before taking PSLE, i was playing DOTA.
Thinking back now makes me feel stupid.
When i was Secondary One, i focused too much on playing rather then studying.
I always forget to do homework until the last min,
forget about the test im having the next day.
Eventually i left school for half a year, and I went back when i was Secondary Two.
But i dropped from Express to Normal academics.
The first day of school, i was really very happy.
My friends welcomed me back to school, which i didn't really thought they would.
Teachers treat me well too. I told myself this is just like a second chance,
a second chance to cherish what i didn't when i was at Sec One.
I gave my best in all my homework, tests, exams. Even in my CCA.
I really felt that i had the Fire in me when i was in school. Or should i say the motivation in me.
At the end of every term, I'm always very excited about my results.
I admit i was not very happy about my results [of course i wish i was first] ,
There's always one thing that cheered me up at the end of the day,
And that is the feeling of accomplishment.
That's my only year that i have scored so well in my tests and exams,
and that is the only year i gave everything in.